Let's Be Independent Together!

Learning from the pros: Hermey and Rudolph

You're independent, they tell you. Independence seems to make singleness an attractive status, does it not? You can do whatever you want, whenever. What about the times you really want to be doing your "independent" thing with someone else? When you are hoping to share the adventure? More than that, you want to share laughter, ideas, and time.

Freedom or a Cage?

Does independence free you, or cage you? Do you make decisions to go out, do more and learn new things, regardless of who (if anyone) is by your side? Or do you wait around by yourself, hoping someone will remember you? When you seclude yourself, you open the door to letting your thoughts and the lies you’ve heard become more and more real. You start to convince yourself that this is how it will always be, and that you don’t deserve someone.

That’s not true. We were created to be in relationship with God, first of all. It’s important to remember that God made Adam... and then He made Eve. It wasn't good for man to be alone, so God sent Eve to fill that need.

Filling the Void

We cannot fill each other’s emptiness. The ache for companionship and love is only truly filled by God. Once your heart belongs to God, you are in the right place. God knows the desires of your heart… and if you are willing to ask Him to make His desires your desires, you are going to have a full, wonderful life! If He placed the desire in your heart to be married, He will fulfill that desire. He knows your spouse, and you, better than you know yourself. He knows what you need to be learning while you are still single, so that you will be ready to be the best you for the love of your life. I have to remind myself not to get so caught up with my plans and my timing… because God holds time in His hands, and has the bigger picture.

I’m going to live this day fully, by being my spunky independent self. Being alone isn’t the worst thing ever. But… if you want to join in on the adventures, and add your own spin to it, I’d be happy to let you J.

This post was also published on my other blog: http://afuturehope.wordpress.com 

Walking Down the Aisle...

The way he looked at her brought tears to my eyes. 

When Jimmy married one of my best friends, Christy, it was a beautiful moment.

The love between them was so obvious. Their mutual respect for each other, their devotion to God, their Christ-centered relationship, and their passion for life was inspiring. Here was a couple that God brought together.

Who do you watch?

Most people watch the bride coming down the aisle at the wedding. But I like to watch the groom. Every groom has a priceless reaction when he first sees his bride walking down the aisle. Adoration, devotion, excitement, and wonder flash in his eyes.

And sometimes, tears are found there too. To me, those tears reveal that the groom knows how blessed he is to become the husband of this wonderful woman in white walking towards him. And the tears in her eyes says she finds it hard to believe that she found this amazing man that wants to spend the rest of his life with her. She wants to spend the rest of her life showing him how much she loves and respects him.

Big decision

Next to choosing to follow Christ, choosing your life partner is the biggest decision you will make. In our disposable society, I think we often make light of the marriage covenant. As Christians, we are looking for the one person we want to spend the rest of our life with. The bond of marriage is lifelong, and very serious.

The marriage vows are a promise to never give up on "us". The difficulties will come, the differences in opinion will surface, and arguments will happen. But the choice to love is one that we have to make. No one will be lovable 100% of the time. With marriage, you are saying that you will love them even when they say something ugly, when they let you down, and when their health fails.

I've been able to witness first hand my parents continued marriage of 30 years! I know this is not the norm, and I am so grateful God has brought them through all the storms. And, I've seen a lot of the joys they've shared together! They've lived in another country, took us kids on vacations, and had date nights throughout the years.

Marriages that last

But you know what the real difference was? God. Their marriage is centered on God and His will in their lives. They raised me to know who He is, and to make my faith my own. I pray that I will find a love like theirs someday; Christ-honoring, respectful, fun, and faithful.

Meant to Be?

Maybe it wasn't meant to last.

And that is okay.

You’ve probably been through all the reasons it ended. Whether or not you were the one to make the call, the pain is still there.

Did you know that? Even if she ended it, she feels the pain too? She cared about you, or else she would not have dated you.

I didn’t have failed relationships. Failure says that it was all for nothing... but you learned so much. It did not turn out the way you expected, so you probably have some pain or scars because of it. You didn’t deserve to be treated badly, disrespected, or like they didn’t have time for you.

Every cloud has a silver lining. What did you learn? Did you learn that you have some things you need to work on? Would apologizing and forgiving quickly make things better next time? What things are non-negotiable and what can you compromise on for the good of the other? Through past relationships, I certainly learned about how I should treat a future spouse and how I want to be treated.

Life moves on, don’t miss it! Go out with your friends. Meet new people. Pursue hobbies. Don’t give up on finding your soul mate, but don’t let it keep you from living in the present… life is an adventure!

This is the first time I've posted an original poem of mine. I know it's nothing fancy, but I hope it resonates with you.

Meant to Be

By Ariel Smith

Were we really meant to be?

I thought so, but now I see.

We laughed and teased,

And for a while, we were pleased.

I thought I knew you,

And that you’d come through.

But our differences became a wall,

One that wouldn’t fall.

I tried so hard to be the one you needed,

But ended up feeling defeated.

I prayed and pleaded with God above,

That somehow this would turn into love.

But once again, the tide has shifted.

Through God’s love, my heart has lifted.

It was not meant to be,

For I was not fully free to be me.

The days ahead may seem long,

But in God’s arms, I truly belong.

Though I am single tonight,                        

God’s plan will come to light….

The day I find out it is true,

That God loved me so much that He led me to you.

Have a blessed weekend!

Seek Him First

Singleness

Singleness is never easy, especially when our desire is to find the one we are going to marry and journey through life with. There can be days that we think once we find our other half, we will finally be happy, and our lives will begin...

Why are you waiting for your life to begin? Are you afraid to be alone? I had to learn how to be content and joyful in the moments I felt very alone at college. Those are the times that I was focused on my relationship with God and studied the Bible. He reminded me that I belong to Him. He will do that for you too, if you take time to sit still and listen.

Let's Be Real

In all honesty, if we are not content in our singleness, we will not be content in marriage either. We bring the issues we have as single people into marriage. Why not use your time of singleness to open up to God, and learn from Him and His word? Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. He is always faithful to come and meet us where we are.

Will the longing go away? I don't think it will completely. But the worry will fade. We do not decide what happens tomorrow, that is in the hands of our Creator.

Here is something that continues to help me as I prayerfully wait for God's best: God loves spending time with you. He's not ready to let your heart be won/given to another. He so hopes that you will desire a relationship with Him, and soak up the love He gives so generously.

Time for Adventures!

This is the time to go on adventures, grow in independence, and figure out your passions and talents! God is developing your character and valuable spouse qualities in this season of waiting. He is also preparing your spouse to meet you, and be a beautiful match! Don't give up hope! God knows the desires of our hearts, and will fulfill them (or change them) in His timing.


“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” - Matthew 6:33-34

All You Need is 20 Seconds of Insane Courage

 The Good Guy Should Get the Girl

You may be thinking that women really don’t like the good guys… because you always see them falling for jerks. Not only that, but some women stay with these guys, even though it’s obvious to everyone else that they are being treated poorly, and they deserve better.

So, what’s the deal? Why does it seem like nice guys always finish last?

There is one thing that women are ALWAYS attracted to.

That, my friends, is confidence.

The mean guys often have it, though sometimes it is displaced by cockiness. These guys have the guts to go talk to the girl…

Fake It Till You Make It

We WANT you, the good guy, to come talk to us. We so hope that you will have the confidence to do so. Confidence can even be a “fake it till you make it” practice. Appearing confident will eventually make you more confident. And trust me, we don’t know you are faking it. Any woman that is worth your time will respect your bravery and be happy you came to talk to her. Do you get the date or number every time? Most likely not, but don’t let that stop you from meeting new people or going out of your comfort zone.

One thing is certain: Confident men are super attractive! It boosts your attraction level so far beyond the guys who are too afraid to step up, and the cocky guys who try to attract girls with their backhanded compliments and insincerity. 

It truly only takes 20 seconds... why not give it a try?

www.pinterest.com

You are His Masterpiece

We All Have Bad Days

Some days, we beat ourselves up. We know we blew it, made mistakes, and feel unworthy...

But you know what? That is okay. We were not born perfect. Do you realize that God doesn't expect perfection from you either? He sent His son to be the perfect sacrifice, so that we wouldn't get dragged down by peer pressure, the desire for perfection, and selfishness.

Turn to God when you mess up. He will create beauty and wholeness through the pain and disappointments. 

You were created by God, in a fearful and wonderful way. He knew exactly what He was doing... Because He doesn't make mistakes. You, my friends, are a masterpiece created by the ultimate artist... and you are adored by your Creator.

Picture compliments of Pinterest

Attraction Factors

Hope for the Future!

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately, and was blown away when I read one about what attributes attract godly men. If you ladies want to read it, you can find it here: http://peacefulsinglegirl.wordpress.com/what-is-attractiveunattractive-to-godly-guys/

It gave me hope! Hope that my love of God and adventurous spirit will be appreciated by my future husband.

Now it is time for a list of godly qualities that Christian women are looking for in their future Christian husbands. (This is in my opinion, so it may not be true for all Christian women, but you all are welcome to comment below).

Admirable Husband Qualities

- A man after God's own heart. You are devoted to loving and serving God, have fruit in your life that reveals this, and have a desire to read His word and know Him more.

- Leadership: Willing and able to lead those around you, you are trustworthy and have a hard work ethic.

- Confident: In who God made you, and is shaping you to be. You look to Him for approval and strength.

- Humble: Seeking to put others first, and not acting to receive recognition.

- Respectful: You are well respected by family, friends, and coworkers. You also show respect to Christ, people, and anyone you date.

- Kind-hearted: Compassionate, caring, reaching out to others.

- Provides: You show you can provide by holding a steady job, volunteering, and taking care of the people God puts in your life.

- Humor: Good clean humor is always appreciated! (Sometimes women will laugh even if the joke wasn't funny; to encourage you and affirm you... just bask in it :)

- Self-controlled: You show self-restraint, you think before you speak, you handle conflict in a calm manner.

- Encouraging: Building up others; not tearing down.

- Family man: Value your family, respect them, and want to have one of your own someday.

You may not have all of these qualities, but that is okay. If you are following hard after Christ, and submit to His will and plan in your life, He will teach you in the way you should go. God will grow godly qualities in you that will prepare you for marriage.

Hope this was an encouragement to you! 

Call it Old Fashioned...

Real men, pursuing real women. Sometimes it seems too good to be true. What is happening to our generation?

One thing that is causing men to become less confident is that women are becoming more independent, and even take the first steps in many relationships. We can be self-sufficient and strong-willed, which in some cases isn’t a good thing.

Here’s the problem:

We aren’t giving men the opportunity to fight for us; to win our love and hearts.

You may say, “Well, I didn’t want him to get away, so I had to do something!”, or make excuses for why you wear the pants in the relationship. I'd like to offer a different opinion.

I don’t want to fall in love with a man who can’t stand up for himself. If he can’t stand up for himself, how can he stand up for me? I’ve had the pleasure of spending time with some real Christian men recently… and let me tell you, it was a relief. They do exist! They have the Holy Spirit working in them, and people supporting them on their journey to becoming the men God designed them to be. And that, ladies, is the kind of man worth waiting for.

Inspire him

Real men, as God created them, were meant to lead. Challenge them to do so! Don’t call all the shots. Take a step back. Inspire him. Show him you support him. This can be all the men in your life; family, friends, boyfriends, or husbands. If you believe in him, he will believe in himself!

I want to see men step up; ask those girls to dance, help the little old lady with yard work, and help out when you see a need at home or work. I appreciate you! Thank you to all the men who have opened doors for me, carried heavy boxes, and exemplified what Christian men are supposed to be. You are the leaders of the future, the husbands, brothers, and fathers that will make such a difference in the world. J

Giving God the Pen

The Very Thought of You

If God intends for you to marry, the person you are meant to marry is most likely walking around this earth! He or She is ALIVE.

I don’t know about you, but that makes my heart beat faster. Every day is one day closer to actually meeting the one God has saved for you. If you are a Christian who loves God, is committed to purity, and desires to follow Him, give Him the pen to write your love story. Just look at the love story He has already written! The sacrificial love of Jesus Christ is the best love story of all time.

God is Faithful

I look back on my life, and see how God has been faithful in all things; the good, and what I perceived as bad. I have learned to trust God sooner with situations, relationships, and unexpected events that turned my world upside down. He proved Himself trustworthy in all of this. Now I am learning to trust Him with my love story. I challenge you to trust God with your story too.

Would your actions and thoughts right now, while being single, honor your future spouse? It takes some time looking deep into your heart, and asking God to reveal things that would not be honoring. And changing those will take effort; but it would be great to be able to meet your spouse one day, and have such a gift of purity and honor to give them. I know I would feel cherished if my husband was able to do this for me!

A good friend of mine, Mark Brunner, put it this way: “God designed us for marriage.” I had never heard anyone say that before. This idea can really step on people’s toes, but I think it is true. Adam and Eve. Jesus Christ and His bride, the church. Lifelong commitment. God is committed to us; are we committed to Him?

“A God-scripted marriage is more than worth waiting for. If you live to honor your spouse with every thought, word, action, and friendship all the days of your life, you will unlock the secret to the kind of love you’ve always longed for. (Ludy)” (Italics refer to Proverbs 31:12; which is applicable for husbands and wives)

So...

Are you ready to trust God to write your love story?

 

Inspiration for this post was given by “When God Writes Your Love Story”, by Eric and Leslie Ludy. I highly recommend this book!

Wait on the Lord

In the Waiting...

If you think about it, waiting is never easy. Just think back to Christmas when you were a kid. The week before Christmas always seemed agonizingly long... because you were so excited about what was under the tree for you! Did you peek? If you did, that really ruined the surprise on Christmas morning, didn't it?

Waiting for the right man or woman to come into your life is hard... much harder than waiting for Christmas. As a Christian woman who loves my Savior, I believe God is saving a Christian man for me that I will love and cherish for the rest of my life. I don't know if I've met him yet. I get discouraged with the waiting, to be honest. At my low points, God lifts my eyes to Himself. Just think of how He cherishes His relationship with you!

Relationship with God

Let's be real...I'm a romantic. So, when God paints a beautiful sunset across the sky, my heart is glad... because that was a display of affection from Him that I can understand. An encouraging word from a friend, a song on the radio, and Bible verses are ways God speaks to us. These things help me as I wait. Someday I hope to find a man that is at least a little romantic ;).

Don't sit around waiting for prince charming to show up on your doorstep... for all you know he could have gotten lost! Be outgoing and optimistic; try new things you are interested in. Go to a new church, try a gym class, or even go country dancing. The more people you meet, the more likely you are to not only meet "the one", but you'll have more friends and more fun.

"Jesus, Lover of my soul, Jesus, I will never let you go.
You've taken me from the miry clay, and set my feet upon the rock, and now I know...
I love you, I need you, though my world may fall, I'll never ever let you go."
Song "Jesus, Lover of My Soul", Darlene Zschech

It Looks a Little Different than I Expected...

Expectations

We all have great expectations. We have expectations for our life goals, families, and relationships. In relationships, we often have unrealistic expectations that no one can live up to… other times the relationship fizzles because hopes are not met. Having reasonable expectations, and talking to your significant other about them, will help you not to be disappointed with the direction things go. What if you are in different life stages? You just started college, and the person you are dating is ready for a career, and maybe even marriage. Where is the middle ground for expectations? Waiting for the other to finish school, getting into a serious relationship while trying to finish school, and even waiting to begin the relationship are things to be considered. 

God puts amazing people in our lives for a reason. Every relationship makes you grow; learning more about yourself, the one you are dating/befriending, and God’s plan for you. It also shows you where your heart is. Is it running from God, or to Him?

Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Christ at the Center

When Christ is at the center of our relationships, He will be glorified in them. Don’t let one disappointment keep you from building another relationship.

God Can

God is the only One who can fulfill our great expectations. He is the One our hearts truly long for. He created the universe, and everything in it. He cares about our desires, our hurts, and our fears. And He is the one who will be there to hold you when things seem to fall apart. He takes the emptiness in our hearts and fills it with Himself… then we feel His grace, love and acceptance wash over us. He wants YOU.

 

Picture compliments of Pinterest :)

 

For the Good of the Other

“Giving what your other needs most instead of taking what you want now.”

(Caleb Breakey)

Selflessness. It’s the opposite of what the world is pushing us to pursue. When you put your significant other’s needs above your own, you may not get what you want. But in doing what is best for them, you not only show that you honor and respect them, you are glorifying God.

The Road Less Traveled

As a Christian, God calls us to take the road less traveled. It doesn’t matter if this is your first relationship, or you’ve lost count. Physical, emotional, and spiritual purity are vital in having a Christ-centered relationship. Is it hard? Certainly. But with Christ, it is possible. And God will bless you because of it.

Romans 8:28
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

“The world is blind and deaf to the wondrous design of our King. So fight for purity. Pray for success. Protect each other as though you were guarding a lifelong investment.

Because that’s exactly what you’re guarding.” (Caleb Breakey)

Just think…

The person you are dating right now is most likely going to get married someday. And you may not be their spouse! A wise man told me that he would be jealous if he saw another man hugging his (the wise man’s) future wife. He treats his girlfriend with utmost respect, and she knows she is blessed because of it.

This post was inspired by the book,

“Dating Like Airplanes” by Caleb Breakey.